In my living room is a family picture taken in 2021. It includes my parents and my siblings with their partners and the kids, all framed against the unmistakable Gardens by the Bay backdrop. It is picturesque. It is surreal. It is heartwarming. It is somber. The cauldron of emotions when it comes to grieving is exactly that. Bits of everything felt all at once.
If I had to describe the relationship I have with my dad, it would be that he is an enabler. I remember the first time I got drunk, he was there and he ensured we would get home safe, more importantly I learned my lesson never to get to that state again. I remember the times I would come back with bruises after basketball games, and he would be there to rub away the bruises while my mum is beside lamenting why I have to play a sport that I am at a disadvantage in (I am vertically challenged). And I remember when I first started cooking and experimenting, he would be very encouraging and ate up the full serving with no complaints.
I also remember how he would unfaltering send me to school in the early mornings so that I could enjoy another 20mins of nap. I will miss that steadfastness. On other days I would be having a nightcap and remember how he would muse in encouragement. I will miss that smile. And on certain days I would play back his words of wisdom which he shared with me. One phrase that he always said to me was “做人做事要给别人留余地，给自己留后路”。I used to think this was just a common phrase used, but as I got older I realised he probably meant this phrase exactly for me as he knew I was someone who tended to view things in a dichotomous way that could be quite hurtful to others and myself.
I read this somewhere:
“Grief is perhaps the last and final translation of love. The last act of loving someone. And you realise it will never end. You get to translate this last act of love for the rest of your life.”
We miss you papa, our only pop-scicle, our quiet rock, our ever present gong gong. We will continue to remember you. And we love you.
Contributed by Melissa Hon